Many of us spend our lives caught between two things: the weight of the past and the fear of the future. It sounds simple, but it affects almost everyone. People often carry heavy emotional loads that come from childhood experiences, past relationships, failures, or trauma. At the same time, many worry endlessly about what tomorrow may bring, whether their plans will work out, whether they will earn enough, or whether their children will succeed. Because of this, the present moment, which is the only real moment we truly have, slips away unnoticed.

Let’s begin with the past. Human memory is powerful. People remember things deeply, especially painful experiences. In many families, childhood was not always easy. For example, a boy from a rural village might recall how he was constantly compared to others and made to feel inadequate. Even as an adult, he may still hear those voices in his head telling him he is not good enough. Or consider a woman from an urban area whose early relationship ended badly. Maybe she faced betrayal or emotional abuse. Even after moving on in life, those memories might still hurt her. She may struggle to trust again, or feel that she is not worthy of love.

These experiences are real and painful. And for many, they become like a prison. They replay the same memories again and again. They feel stuck. They carry sadness and shame for years, long after the events have ended. Even though the past is gone, it continues to live in their mind as if it is happening right now.

We often tell people to “forget and move on.” But healing does not happen just because someone tells you to forget. The brain holds on to memories for its own reasons. And many people do not even realize how much their past is shaping their present reactions, relationships, and decisions. For them, enjoying the present becomes almost impossible, because the past keeps pulling them back.

On the other side is fear of the future. The future is uncertain, and uncertainty can be frightening. People worry: “Will I get a job?” “Will my business survive?” “Will my children pass their exams?” “What if something bad happens?” This fear becomes even stronger in Nepali society where economic challenges, family responsibilities, and social expectations are high.

Take the example of a young man working abroad. His future is full of uncertainty. He worries about his visa, his work permit, the money he sends home, and whether he will ever return to Nepal and start a stable life. Because of his constant worry about the future, he struggles to appreciate the present moments around him, like talking with friends, enjoying a simple cup of tea, or taking a quiet walk in the evening.

Or think about parents who worry endlessly about their children’s future. They push their children to study harder, take more tuition classes, get higher marks. In this race, parents often lose the chance to enjoy the small joys of their children’s present life: their laughter, their growth, their innocence. The children, too, lose their own sense of peace, always worrying about what will happen next.

In both cases, the present moment becomes invisible. Yet the present is the only moment that is real. The blue sky above you right now is real. The mountains you see on a clear morning are real. The person sitting next to you at the tea shop is real. The warmth of a conversation, the smell of freshly cooked dal bhat, the sound of birds early in the morning, these are the present moments that life is made of. But many people miss them because they are locked in the past or anxious about the future.

Mindfulness teaches us something very simple but very powerful: be here right now. Not by force, not by pretending things are perfect, but by gently bringing your attention back to the present. Mindfulness does not ask you to erase your past. It simply asks you to acknowledge it without letting it control your life. It does not ask you to ignore the future. It just teaches you not to live in fear of it.

Mindfulness can be practiced in very simple ways. For example, when you drink your morning tea, just drink it. Notice its warmth, its smell, its taste. Instead of scrolling through your phone or worrying about the whole day ahead, take those few minutes to be present. When you walk to your office or to the market, notice your surroundings. The vegetable sellers, the sound of buses, the laughter of school children in their uniforms. These simple moments bring you back to the present.

Another example: imagine you are sitting with your family in the evening. Normally, your mind might run to past problems or future worries. But mindfulness teaches you to listen fully when someone speaks, to observe their expressions, to feel the connection. This is how relationships grow. This is how peace grows.

For those who feel stuck in their past, mindfulness offers a slow but steady way forward. Instead of trying to “escape” the past, mindfulness teaches you to observe your memories and emotions without drowning in them. Over time, this reduces their power over you. For example, someone who faced childhood hardship can slowly learn to feel compassion for their younger self instead of shame. Someone who had a painful breakup can learn to recognize the hurt without letting it shape their entire identity.

For those who are afraid of the future, mindfulness reduces anxiety by bringing attention to the present tasks. If you focus on the work you are doing today, you naturally reduce the fear of everything that might happen tomorrow. A farmer ploughing his field can focus on the soil and the rhythm of his work. A student preparing for exams can focus on one chapter at a time instead of panicking about the entire syllabus. A shopkeeper can focus on serving the customer in front of him instead of worrying about next month’s rent.

Mindfulness does not solve all problems instantly. It is not magic. But it slowly breaks the chains that keep you imprisoned. It shows you that life is happening here and now. And if you learn to be present in each moment, you begin to feel lighter, calmer, and more alive. In the end, life is not found in the past or in the future. It is found in the present. And mindfulness is the key that helps you truly live it.

The pursuit of personal fulfillment and a sense of purpose is a universal human endeavor. In the field of Positive Psychology, the VIA Virtue Map serves as a vital framework for this journey, offering a beautifully visualized guide to the six core virtues and 24 character strengths that define our best selves. By shifting the focus from fixing deficits to nurturing inherent strengths, this framework provides a practical roadmap for individuals to promote well-being, increase life satisfaction, and cultivate a truly meaningful life.

The foundation of the VIA framework rests upon six universal virtues, each acting as a category for specific character strengths. The first three virtues focus on our internal cognitive and interpersonal capabilities. Wisdom involves strengths like creativity, curiosity, and a commitment to lifelong learning. Courage is defined by the exercise of will in the face of adversity, encompassing bravery, perseverance, and unwavering honesty. Meanwhile, Humanity centers on interpersonal connection through love, compassion, kindness, and social intelligence. These virtues allow us to navigate our personal growth and our relationships with others with intentionality.

The remaining three virtues extend our focus toward our role in society and our connection to the larger world. Justice highlights civic strengths such as teamwork, fairness, and responsible leadership, which are essential for a healthy community. Temperance provides a necessary balance by encouraging prudence, self-regulation, and the practice of forgiveness to protect against excess. Finally, Transcendence helps us find meaning beyond ourselves through gratitude, hope, and a sense of spiritual connectedness to the universe. Together, these twenty-four strengths represent a comprehensive toolkit for human flourishing.

Understanding these strengths is only the beginning; the ultimate goal is to put these strengths to work in daily life. The process begins with reflecting on one’s values and using the VIA classification to identify unique signature strengths. Once these core traits are identified, the framework encourages individuals to apply them daily while tracking their impact over time to see real-world self-improvement. Furthermore, one can achieve more balanced outcomes by pairing complementary strengths together and designing consistent habits that make leveraging these virtues a natural part of their routine.

In conclusion, the VIA Virtue Map is more than just a list of traits; it is a dynamic system for self-discovery and intentional living. By identifying and intentionally applying our inherent strengths, we can bridge the gap between who we are and who we have the potential to become. Embracing these virtues allows us to not only improve our own well-being but also to contribute more meaningfully to the world around us.

Mental health is increasingly recognized as a vital component of public health worldwide, and Nepal is no exception. There is “no health without mental health,” as the saying goes, underscoring that psychological well-being is just as important as physical health. In Nepal, mounting evidence shows mental health issues are widespread and cannot be ignored. A national survey in 2019–2020 found that about 10% of Nepali adults experience a mental disorder in their lifetime, with around 4% suffering a current mental illness. Alarmingly, mental health problems have been on the rise in recent years, with nearly one in ten Nepali estimated to be living with conditions like depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder or schizophrenia. The human toll is reflected in the suicide rate, an average of 19 people die by suicide every day in Nepal as of 2022/23. These figures illustrate that mental health has become a major public health concern for the country.

The burden of mental illness affects not only individual well-being but also families, communities, and the nation’s development. Depression, for instance, is now one of the leading causes of disability globally, and Nepal shows a higher prevalence of major depressive disorder (around 3.6%) compared to regional averages. Mental health issues often strike the most productive age groups and can exacerbate other health and social problems. Yet, historically, Nepal’s health care system focused on infectious diseases and maternal-child health, with mental health receiving scant attention. Today, however, there is growing recognition that Nepal cannot achieve its broader health and development goals without addressing mental health. The COVID-19 pandemic further highlighted this urgency, as prolonged lockdowns and stress were accompanied by a spike in psychological distress and suicides.

Despite this growing awareness, a critical challenge remains ensuring equity in mental health. While mental illness can affect anyone, access to care and support in Nepal is not evenly distributed. Factors such as geographic location, economic status, caste, education level, and urban-rural divides all influence who gets help – and who is left behind. Addressing mental health as a public health priority thus goes hand in hand with tackling these deep-rooted inequities.

Urban-Rural Divide in Services

One of the starkest disparities in Nepal’s mental health landscape is between urban centers and rural areas. Most of Nepal’s mental health services and professionals are concentrated in a few major cities, especially the Kathmandu Valley. Almost all mental health specialists practice in urban areas, leaving rural communities severely underserved. Nepal has only one public psychiatric hospital (in the Kathmandu Valley) and a handful of private hospitals providing specialized care. People living in remote districts often have little or no access to qualified mental health care. For many Nepalis outside the cities, accessing mental health services is not just difficult – it’s nearly impossible.

This urban bias in service availability is reflected in the distribution of mental health professionals. Nepal suffers from an extreme shortage of trained personnel nationwide, but rural areas face the worst scarcity. As of a few years ago, Nepal had roughly 0.2 to 0.5 psychiatrists per 100,000 people (well below even the low-income country average). In absolute numbers, the country counted only around 144 psychiatrists in total, and over 75% of them were in private practice concentrated in cities. Similarly, there are very few psychologists or psychiatric nurses, and they too are mostly based in urban centers. Although, counselling and therapy profession is yet to be properly regulated, they are mostly available in cities. This means rural health facilities typically lack staff who can diagnose or treat mental illnesses. A government doctor working in a western hill district recounted that many women in rural Nepal suffer from depression or anxiety which go undiagnosed and untreated; local health posts are ill-equipped to help, and essential psychiatric medications are rarely in stock. Geographic inequity thus leaves a vast segment of Nepal’s population with virtually no support for mental health, effectively creating a system where care is a city luxury.

This urban-rural divide in mental health care is also reflected in regional differences in mental health outcomes. Data suggest that people in Nepal’s more remote and poorer provinces have a higher burden of mental health problems. For example, a recent analysis of the 2022 Nepal Demographic and Health Survey found significantly higher rates of depression and anxiety symptoms among women living in Karnali Province, one of Nepal’s least developed regions, compared to those in more developed provinces. Karnali, a mountainous province with sparse health infrastructure, had the highest reported prevalence of mental health symptoms in that survey. By contrast, provinces with better access to services (like Bagmati Province, home to Kathmandu) showed comparatively lower rates. This indicates that where a person lives in Nepal, mountainous rural Karnali or an urban metropolis, can shape their risk of mental health issues and their chances of getting care. Ensuring equitable distribution of mental health resources across all provinces remains a pressing challenge.

Socioeconomic Disparities and Poverty

Economic inequality is another factor driving inequity in mental health. Poverty and financial stress can both contribute to mental health problems and impede access to care. In Nepal, mental health disorders are more common among those of lower socioeconomic status. Living in poverty often means dealing with chronic stressors, unemployment, insecure housing, food insecurity, or debt, which can deteriorate mental well-being. For instance, Nepal’s large population of migrant laborers, who often work in difficult conditions abroad to support their families, face high levels of anxiety and depression due to exploitation and separation from loved ones. Their families back home, especially spouses left to manage households alone, also report elevated mental distress. Clearly, economic hardship and mental health are closely intertwined.

At the same time, the poor have the least access to mental health services. Even in cities where services exist, cost is a major barrier. Therapy sessions and psychiatric consultations in private clinics are expensive, putting them out of reach for low-income families. Free or subsidized mental health care in the public sector is extremely limited. Nepal’s government health spending on mental health is less than 1% of the total health budget, which translates into few public mental health facilities and personnel. This abysmally low investment means that mental health care is often treated as a “luxury” available mainly to those who can pay, rather than a basic service for all citizens. In effect, wealthier Nepalis can access counseling or private psychiatric care if needed, while the poor are left with almost no support. This inequity perpetuates a cycle where poverty fuels mental illness and mental illness in turn exacerbates economic hardship (for example, through lost productivity or medical expenses). Breaking this cycle will require making mental health services affordable and accessible to the economically disadvantaged, for example, integrating mental health into primary care and community health programs so that people don’t have to pay high fees or travel far to seek help.

Caste, Education, and Cultural Barriers

Social determinants such as caste and education level also play a defining role in mental health equity in Nepal. Nepali society has long been stratified by the caste system, and those from historically oppressed castes (such as the Dalits) often face greater adversity – which extends to mental health. Studies have found caste-based disparities in mental health, with Dalits exhibiting higher prevalence of depression and anxiety compared to individuals from higher castes. The reasons are multi-faceted: Dalit communities generally experience more poverty, social exclusion, and discrimination, all of which are risk factors for poor mental health. Marginalized castes may also have less access to education and health services, compounding the problem. For example, mental health issues in Dalit women might go untreated due to lack of health facilities in their communities and fear of stigma. Caste-based inequity means the very groups who endure the most stress (due to social exclusion) is also the least likely to receive care.

Education and literacy are closely linked to both mental health outcomes and the ability to seek help. Women with lower educational attainment have significantly higher rates of anxiety and depression symptoms in Nepal. Low education often correlates with low income and limited awareness of health issues. In Nepal’s context, those with little education may not recognize mental illness as a treatable condition; they might instead perceive symptoms as “madness” or personal weakness. Mental health literacy remains low, especially in rural areas. Frontline health workers in rural clinics often have minimal training in mental health, and common mental illnesses frequently go undiagnosed, sometimes masked by physical complaints like headaches or fatigue that are treated symptomatically. Among the public, misconceptions and stigma about mental illness are widespread, particularly in communities with less education. It is not uncommon for people to attribute mental health problems to supernatural causes or karma. As one commentary noted, mental illness in Nepal is often “perceived as a personal failure or a punishment for bad karma, or even possession by evil spirits”. Such beliefs lead to stigma: families hide their mentally ill members for fear of ostracization, and individuals hesitate to seek help lest they be labeled “crazy”. In some Dalit communities studied, researchers identified a lack of awareness, financial constraints, and scarce services as key barriers preventing people from obtaining mental health support. Stigma in those communities was rooted in cultural and religious notions, for instance, the idea that mental illness could result from divine wrath or ghostly possession, as well as the legacy of caste-based hierarchies and low formal education. These findings underscore that improving mental health equity isn’t only about providing clinics; it’s also about changing societal attitudes and increasing mental health literacy across all strata of society.

Toward Equitable Access and Understanding

Ensuring equity in mental health care in Nepal requires concerted efforts on multiple fronts. On the policy level, the government has begun to acknowledge the gaps. After decades of neglect (Nepal’s first National Mental Health Policy was formulated in 1996 but barely implemented), there are recent steps toward improvement. Notably, the Ministry of Health and Population approved a National Mental Health Strategy and Action Plan in 2020, aiming to integrate mental health into primary health care and decentralize services. This strategy, if fully carried out, would train primary healthcare workers in mental health care and ensure basic services (like counseling and essential psychiatric medications) are available at local health posts. The government, with support from the World Health Organization’s Special Initiative for Mental Health, has also piloted community-based mental health programs and started to collaborate with non-governmental organizations to extend outreach. These are promising moves, but progress remains slow. Mental health still receives <1% of the health budget, and the mental health workforce needs expansion and training to serve Nepal’s diverse population. Scaling up services in rural areas, through mobile clinics, telepsychiatry, and integrating mental health into general health camps, could help bridge the urban-rural gap. Likewise, providing scholarships or incentives for mental health professionals to serve in underserved provinces may gradually improve the specialist distribution.

Community level initiatives are equally important. Culturally sensitive education campaigns can help dispel myths and stigma surrounding mental illness. Engaging local leaders, teachers, and even traditional healers in conversations about mental health can validate the issue in the eyes of the community. There are encouraging examples of grassroots efforts: for instance, some NGOs run free mental health camps and psychosocial support groups in rural districts, and these have been effective in empowering individuals with coping skills while normalizing help-seeking. Improving mental health literacy, teaching people that conditions like depression are medical issues, not personal failings, is crucial so that those suffering (or their family members) feel able to reach out for help. Schools and colleges in Nepal have also begun to incorporate mental health awareness, which can shape more informed attitudes among youth. Over time, better public understanding can erode the stigma that currently surrounds mental illness in Nepal’s society.

Finally, equity in mental health must include addressing the socio-economic and cultural determinants that underlie disparities. That means tackling poverty, gender-based violence, and caste discrimination as part of the broader mental health strategy. For example, protecting Dalit rights and empowering marginalized groups can reduce the chronic stress they face. Programs that economically uplift poor families or support women (for instance, women’s microfinance or domestic violence prevention) can have positive mental health impacts. When social determinants improve, mental well-being often follows.

In conclusion, mental health in Nepal is at a turning point, recognized as a public health priority yet still riddled with inequities in access and understanding. The vision going forward is clear: a Nepal where everyone, irrespective of where they live, their caste, education or income, can get the support they need for a healthy mind. Achieving this will require sustained commitment from the government, health professionals, and communities themselves. It will require scaling up resources so that mental health services are available from Kathmandu’s urban centers to the remotest villages. It will also require continued advocacy to ensure mental health is not an afterthought but rather an integral part of Nepal’s quest for equity and “health for all.” The cost of inaction is far too high – measured in lost lives, human suffering, and stunted national progress. By prioritizing equity in mental health, Nepal can take an important step toward a more just and healthy society for generations to come.

Dear Arihant,

Today is Father’s Day. You are just 1 year and 8 months old, so you may not yet understand what “Father” or “Father’s Day” truly means. But you already know how important a father is. Every time I say “hajur,” you reply with “Baba.” These words feel like music to my heart, and I never get tired of hearing them.

Parenthood is not always easy. It brings sleepless nights, changes in routine, and sometimes little destructions (yes, you love breaking things at home!). But even in all this chaos, I find so much joy. This is the beauty of nature’s design, it feels perfect in its own way.

On this Father’s Day, I want to share a few thoughts with you. One day, when you are older, you will be able to read and understand them:

Remember that Effort matters more than results. We cannot control the outcome, but we can control our effort. Choose wisely where you put your energy, how long you keep trying, and what you focus on. Don’t run the rat race. Life will always push you to be first, but remember, even the first rat is still a rat. You don’t have to be first to be excellent. Focus on being your best, not on competing with others.

Life has both joy and hardship. It is foolish to look only for happiness. Accept that life has both good and difficult moments. That acceptance is the most positive way to live. Feelings are not in your control, but actions are. You may feel sad, angry, or happy without choosing it. But you can choose your actions and thoughts. Accept your feelings, learn from them, and then move forward.

Arihant, know that we all have shadows. As humans, we carry feelings like jealousy, anger, or fear. Don’t deny them, understand them. Try to lessen their power over you, but don’t let them come between you and the people you love.

Son, you are my joy and my strength. I look forward to the day when you are old enough to read this letter and understand the love, lessons, and wishes I have written for you.

With all my love,
Baba

PS: This letter is written to his son by Dr Kishor Adhikari. His son, Arihant is 20 Months old son.

👉 आफ्नो दिमागमा आउने विचार वा भावना केवल विचार-भावना हुन्। स्वयं तपाईं ति विचार-भावना होइन।

👉 ती केवल विचारहरू हुन्, आउने-जाने बादल जस्तै।

👉 यसरी छुट्याएर हेर्दा तनाव घट्छ र मन हलुका हुन्छ।

Practice decentering to manage stress, anxiety, and depression.

Decentering
👉 The thoughts or feelings that come into your mind are only thoughts and feelings. You are not those thoughts or feelings.
👉 They are just like passing clouds—coming and going.
👉 When you see them this way, stress reduces and the mind feels lighter.

Practice decentering to manage stress, anxiety, and depression.
—Dr. Kishor Adhikari

Dear Readers

We are honored to invite you to join a special collaborative webinar:

“Bridging Compassion: A Cross-Cultural Webinar on Suicide Prevention”

🗓 Date: September 10, 2025 (World Suicide Prevention Day)
🕒 Time: 6:00 PM NST (5:45 PM SLST)
⏳ Duration: 90 minutes
💻 Platform: Online (Link shared upon registration)

This webinar brings together mental health professionals, educators, students, caregivers, and community members from Nepal and Sri Lanka to discuss suicide prevention, reduce stigma, and share culturally sensitive strategies.

About Our Speakers:

Dr. Kishor Adhikari is a behavioral scientist and public health academic from Nepal, serving as Campus Chief at the Institute of Crisis Management Studies and Visiting Professor at O.P. Jindal Global University. With over 17 years of experience, he specializes in suicide prevention, youth empowerment, and positive psychology. He has received prestigious awards including the Nepal Bidhya Bhushan Padak.

Mr. Nivendra Uduman is a counseling psychologist and mental health advocate from Sri Lanka. He founded the “Footsteps to Freedom” initiative, which engaged communities nationwide in mental health awareness and suicide prevention. He currently leads Still Waters Counseling and Psychotherapy, providing client-centered care and advancing mental health advocacy.

What to Expect:

• Expert presentations on suicide prevention in Nepal and Sri Lanka

• Panel discussion exploring cross-cultural insights and strategies

• Interactive activity to foster hope and connection

• Live Q&A session

• Sharing of helplines and mental health resources for both countries

Registration:
Please scan the QR code on the attached flyer or register here:
https://forms.gle/HVrKGxpKmumVJcoU6

Note: This webinar covers sensitive topics. Trigger warnings and self-care reminders will be provided, with mental health support available throughout.

We warmly invite you to join this important cross-border initiative on World Suicide Prevention Day, standing together to raise awareness and support those at risk.

Thank you for your dedication to mental health and wellbeing.

Warm regards,

Punjita Pradhan, Co-Founder, Mindspace Nepal, +977-9841313990

Ms. Sairita Bista, PDL; +9779840260426

Life is a fascinating and complex concept. But if we try to simplify it, life can be seen as a self-sustaining system. Something that can run on its own, manage itself, and continue functioning without constant outside help can be considered alive.

Take an ant, for example. It moves, eats, reproduces, and has its own internal systems to survive. Every animal, including humans, has a self-running system—this is what makes it life. The more complex the system, the more complex the life form.

Now, think bigger. Each form of life, whether it’s a small insect or a human being, supports others in the ecosystem. These systems are interconnected. So in a way, the entire universe can be seen as one giant, living system. Different forms of life support and balance each other to keep everything running.

However, not everything in the universe is “alive.” For example, rocks and soil are not life. Why? Because they don’t have a dynamic, self-sustaining system of their own. But even though they aren’t life forms themselves, they play a crucial role in supporting life. Soil helps plants grow. Rocks shape landscapes and provide minerals. So even non-living things are important in the larger system of life.

Life Is Self-Healing

A key part of being alive is having the ability to self-heal. Our bodies and minds are designed to manage themselves in many ways. If you're angry, your brain has systems to calm you down. If you’re sad, your mind has ways to recover over time. If part of your brain is damaged, other parts can sometimes take over its function. If your blood sugar is too high, your liver and hormones work to bring it down.

These automatic systems are incredible. They show us how complete and intelligent life can be.

When Life Needs Help

However, self-sustaining systems are not perfect. They have limits. Sometimes, your body or mind becomes too tired or too weak to heal itself quickly. For example, if you’re severely depressed, your natural healing system may take too long, and in that time, more damage can happen—to your mind, your body, or your relationships.

That’s when conscious effort becomes important. You might need to do things on purpose to support your healing—like exercising, spending time with loved ones, enjoying hobbies, or simply resting more. These actions help your body and mind recover faster and return to balance.

To conclude, life is not just about surviving. It’s about maintaining balance and supporting both yourself and others in the ecosystem. Being alive means having the power to run and heal yourself. But being aware of when to step in and help your own system—that’s what makes life truly meaningful. Through this balance of natural processes and conscious effort, we continue to grow, recover, and thrive as living beings.

As a married man, a father to a little baby boy, and a psychologist with over 25 years of experience in practice, teaching, and research, I have spent much of my professional life exploring the dynamics of human relationships. I teach skills that help others communicate better, manage conflict, and build deeper emotional intimacy. Despite my background, I am not immune to the very challenges I help others navigate. My wife and I, like any couple, experience moments of tension—sometimes even heated conflict.

What often allows us to return to a place of connection and calm is the same set of principles I teach my students and clients. These are not theoretical abstractions. They are lived practices—real tools that I strive to apply in my own marriage. Do I always succeed? No. But that’s part of being human. What's important is the consistent effort, the willingness to reflect, and the resilience to repair.

In my experience, these are some of the core behaviors and mindsets that have worked not only in clinical and academic settings but also within my own home.

1. Build and Express Trust

Saying simple, affirming things like “I trust you” can go a long way. Trust is the foundation of any relationship, and verbalizing it out loud helps reinforce that foundation. It’s a way of saying: “I believe in your intentions, your choices, and your sense of responsibility.”

2. Accept Your Partner Fully

This means accepting both strengths and flaws. Rather than focusing on trying to “fix” your partner, practice appreciating the whole person. It’s about saying, “I see you, I know your limitations, and I still choose you.” Acceptance creates a safe space where growth is more likely to happen naturally.

3. Reassure During Tough Times

When challenges arise—be it financial strain, family stress, or emotional distance—reassure your partner that you’re in it together. Phrases like “We’ll get through this” signal unity. This kind of reassurance can shift the energy from “me vs. you” to “us vs. the problem.”

4. Support Their Independence and Joy

Encourage your partner to spend time with friends or pursue personal interests. Giving space isn’t about creating distance; it’s about honoring individuality. It says, “Your happiness matters to me, even when I’m not part of the moment.”

5. Express Emotional Presence, Even in Absence

Let your partner know they are missed. A simple message like “I miss you already” when they’re away can strengthen emotional closeness. It conveys that their presence has value and impact even when they’re not physically there.

6. Lean Into Difficult Conversations

Conflict avoidance can erode intimacy. Instead, create safe entry points for hard talks. Use phrases like:
“Can we talk?”
“I wanted to check in about something.”
“I’d love to know how you feel about this.”
Turning toward difficult topics shows care, curiosity, and courage.

7. Collaborate on Plans and Routines

Shared planning—whether for weekend outings or family logistics—helps create a sense of partnership. Invite your partner in by saying things like, “Can we sit and go over our schedule for the weekend?” It’s not just about organizing; it’s about aligning.

One day, a young woman named Kisa Gotami came to the Buddha, cradling her lifeless child in her arms. Her eyes were swollen from tears, and her voice trembled as she pleaded, “Lord, please, bring my son back to life.”

The Buddha looked at her kindly and said, “There is a way. But first, you must bring me a single mustard seed from a household that has never known death or sorrow.”

Hope ignited in Kisa Gotami’s heart as she ran from house to house. But in every home, she was met with the same answer: “We too have lost a son… a daughter… a mother… a loved one.”

By nightfall, she returned to the Buddha, empty-handed, her grief transformed. “I understand now,” she whispered. “There is no house untouched by sorrow. Death is part of life.”

The Buddha gently replied, “Just as night follows day, sorrow walks with joy. To seek only happiness is to deny half of life. Peace comes not by avoiding sorrow, but by embracing all that is.”

From that day on, Kisa Gotami followed the Buddha’s path—not in search of joy alone, but of understanding. And in accepting life’s sorrow, she found a deeper happiness.

In a quiet monastery garden, near an old stone well, sat a traveler who had met a young woman seeking wisdom. She was outwardly successful, with a good job and accomplishments others admired, yet she felt a deep emptiness inside, like she was "falling apart inside" despite trying to hold everything together. She confessed her struggle, asking why, with everything she had worked for, she felt "nothing". She thought perhaps her problem was simply time management.

But the traveler knew it was something deeper. He handed her a ceramic cup and asked her to fill it from the well. She dipped it in, and the cup was full, easy enough, bringing a simple smile.

Then, he handed her another empty cup and asked her to fill it from the water she had in her own cup. She hesitated, noting she only had one cup, but understanding, she poured. Now both cups were half full.

The traveler then gave her a third, and a fourth empty cup, asking her to keep pouring from her original cup. With each pour, there was "less water less joy". Soon, her own cup, her original vessel, was "nearly empty," while the others were only "barely filled".

Seeing this, the traveler asked, "Why do you think you feel the way you do?". After a silence, he explained gently, "You're not broken you're just out of water". He revealed the truth: burnout is not about time management, "it's about capacity". Like the cups, she had been "pouring yourself into everything and everyone without ever refilling" her own inner well. No one had taught her "how to protect your own" capacity.

The lesson became clear through the simple act of pouring water: in life, stop pouring into others before you are empty. The wise way is to refill then give, to heal before you hustle. It is okay not to judge oneself too harshly, but to "give yourself time".

The next morning, the traveler saw the young woman by the well, not busy with devices or journals, but simply breathing, "still not trying to be better just being". The simple truth of the cups had begun to show the way.

When was the first time you heard about suicide? How do we know that we are capable of taking our own lives? Do we inherently know we can take our own life?

No, not inherently like we know to breathe or blink. But as self-aware, meaning-seeking beings, humans learn, absorb, and imagine. And in moments of deep pain, the idea of death  as a form of control, escape, or peace can surface. However, when we think about what causes suicide, we often look at personal pain, internalised pressure, or stress. But there is another hidden influence that we rarely talk about, the origin of the idea that when things go wrong, the solution is to eliminate the self. 

Cartoons, movies, dramas, music videos, and social media reels: all of these are not just entertainment. They shape how we think, feel, and behave. Especially when we are young, we absorb these images without even realizing it. Some of them leave dangerous messages in our minds, quietly telling us stories about suicide that can feel beautiful, heroic, or even necessary.

When Tragedy Looks Like Art

In many popular movies and TV shows, suicide is shown in a highly emotional and dramatic way. The music becomes sad and slow. The lights turn soft and warm. The person who dies often leaves behind a beautiful letter, filled with deep and poetic words. After they are gone, people start crying, hugging each other, and remembering the person in ways they never did when that person was alive. The story makes their death feel important, almost like a meaningful sacrifice.

This style of storytelling can send a harmful message, especially to young viewers: that suicide is a way to finally be seen, understood, or even loved. For someone who feels invisible or hurt, this can be dangerous. It can make them believe that their death will be more powerful than their life. That they will matter only after they are gone. Research shows that media portrayals that romanticize suicide can lead to what is known as the "Werther effect", where suicide rates increase following intense or glamorized media coverage (Phillips, 1974).

Some shows go even further. They do not just suggest that someone died by suicide. They show exactly how they did it. The method is often shown in graphic detail: where it happened, what tools were used, and even how long it took. These visual and sensory cues can be extremely triggering, especially for viewers who are already struggling with suicidal thoughts. It can put ideas into their minds or validate the plans they were already making. This has been seen especially after the release of shows like 13 Reasons Why, which was found to be associated with a measurable increase in youth suicide rates in the U.S. shortly after its release (Niederkrotenthaler et al., 2019).

When suicide is shown as clean, planned, or poetic, it gives the false impression that this is a way to end pain with grace. But real-life suicide is not peaceful. It is messy. It leaves behind trauma, guilt, and unanswered questions. Families often suffer for years. Survivors wish they had noticed the signs earlier. But the media rarely shows that part of the story.

This is why mental health experts recommend using the "Papageno effect" instead. This refers to media content that shows characters overcoming suicidal thoughts through help, connection, and hope , not by dying (Niederkrotenthaler et al., 2010). When the media focuses on recovery instead of tragedy, it becomes a tool for prevention, not harm.

Cartoons and Children

When we think of cartoons, we think of laughter, bright colors, and silly characters. But if we look closely, some children’s cartoons carry messages that can be more harmful than they seem. In many shows, we hear characters say things like “I wish I were dead,” “Just end me now,” or we see them pretending to jump off cliffs, drink poison, or explode themselves for a joke. The audience laughs. The character comes back in the next scene, completely fine. Life moves on. No one talks about it again.

These scenes may seem harmless or funny to adults, but to a young child whose brain is still developing, they can plant quiet but lasting seeds. Children learn through imitation and repetition. If they see characters making jokes about death or acting like it’s something silly or reversible, they may begin to think that death is not serious or that it's something you can bounce back from. Research in child development shows that children under the age of 10 often do not fully understand the finality of death (Speece & Brent, 1996), and media can shape their beliefs in powerful ways.

Some animations go even further. They show characters dying and then returning as friendly ghosts or spirits. These ghosts often help the living, watch over their loved ones, or continue their adventures in another world. While these storylines are meant to comfort or entertain, they can blur the line between fiction and reality. For a child who is lonely or feels invisible, this may lead to a dangerous idea: that even after death, they can still be around, still be seen, still be loved. It makes death look magical, peaceful, or even empowering.

This romanticized portrayal can deeply confuse children who are struggling with emotional pain or who have been exposed to grief at a young age. In some cases, especially for children facing bullying, neglect, or trauma, these messages can distort their understanding of suicide making it seem like a doorway to a new form of attention or existence, rather than a tragic end.

Psychologists have long warned about how media can normalize or desensitize young viewers to violence, harm, and death (American Academy of Pediatrics, 2001). Repeated exposure to these themes even in a humorous or “fantasy” setting can reduce emotional sensitivity and increase risky behavior or mimicry in vulnerable children.

This is why responsible storytelling is so important, especially in media made for young minds. Children deserve content that teaches them how to cope, how to talk about hard feelings, and how to seek support not content that makes light of death or gives it magical meaning. Stories are powerful tools, and when we tell them carefully, they can shape the next generation in a healthy and life-affirming way.

What Media Leaves Out

Most movies and shows end the story at the moment of death. They don’t show what comes after. They don’t show the mother waking up and finding her child’s room empty still arranged, still smelling like them, but lifeless. They don’t show the father trying to act strong while falling apart inside, wondering what signs he missed. They don’t show the younger sibling who stops speaking, afraid to ask where their big brother or sister went.

They don’t show the silence that grows in the house. The birthdays that are no longer celebrated. The friends who carry guilt for years, asking themselves what they could have done. The school counselor who struggles to comfort classmates. The teachers who carry that one empty desk in their memories.

Instead, the screen fades to black. The music swells. The character’s pain is over. And to the viewer especially one who is already hurting suicide can start to look like peace.

But this is not the truth.

In real life, suicide is not the end of pain, it is the beginning of a different kind of suffering. A long, quiet sorrow that spreads through families, friendships, and communities. It leaves behind questions that never get answered. It creates a wound that time may soften, but never fully heals. Research shows that people who lose a loved one to suicide are at higher risk of depression, anxiety, and even suicidal thoughts themselves (Andriessen, 2009). The pain doesn’t end with the one who dies. It gets passed on, like a heavy weight, to those left behind.

When media only tells the story up to the death, it hides this truth. It protects the audience from the hardest part. But protecting people from pain is not the same as helping them heal. In fact, when we leave out what comes after the emptiness, the brokenness, the deep longing for a chance to say “Don’t go” we risk sending the wrong message: that death is escape, that it ends the suffering.

We must start telling the full story. Not just the fall, but the aftermath. Not just the darkness, but the people still reaching for light.

The Silent Weight among Nepalese Youths 

In Nepal, student suicides are often spoken about only in whispers: a short news headline, a passing rumor, a school assembly held too late. But the truth runs deeper than what is seen or said. Every day, students carry silent weights:  pressures, messages, and fears that they may not even have the words to describe.

They grow up watching dramas where dying for love is seen as the ultimate sacrifice. They see films where the hero ends his life and is remembered as noble, pure, and tragic, not as someone who needed support. They scroll through social media filled with quotes like “no one will understand until I’m gone,” which echo their own unspoken pain.

In cartoons, jokes about dying are passed off as humor. In school, “discipline” is sometimes delivered with fear instead of care. In families, conversations about mental health are often silenced by phrases like “you just need to be stronger,”“don’t embarrass us,” or “think about others.”

So the pain is pushed down. The questions go unasked. The loneliness gets wrapped in smiles. The desire to be seen, really seen, becomes buried under academic scores, responsibilities, and the quiet pressure to always be “okay.”

Many students in Nepal do not know that what they are feeling has a name: depression, anxiety, trauma. They do not know that the fog in their head, the heaviness in their chest, and the thought that “maybe it would be easier if I disappeared” are not signs of weakness, but signs that they need care. And most painfully, they don’t know where to find that care.

Because help is not always visible.

Mental health centers are too few. Psychologists are overworked. School counselors, if they exist, are not always trusted. And the fear of being labeled mad, unstable, or weak keeps many students from reaching out.

So they turn inward. They hide. They normalize their pain. Until one day, the silence becomes too loud.

But this silence can be broken.

If we teach students that emotions are not shameful. If we show them that crying is not a failure. If we make space in schools, families, and screens for conversations about real feelings then perhaps the story can end differently.

If you're reading this and feel heavy inside know this: you are not alone. There are people in Nepal and around the world who understand. Who want to listen. Who believe that your life matters  not as a character in a sad story, but as a human being, still growing, still healing.

So What Can We Do as Viewers and Creators?

1. Don’t just take in the story. Ask questions. Why did the director show this scene like that? Why did they play music that made suicide look beautiful? What is the real message here?

2. If you’re watching something that deals with suicide, talk about it with friends, family, or students. Ask how they felt. Did they feel triggered? Did the show glorify suicide or offer hope?

3. We need more films and media that show mental health struggles with truth and care without romanticizing them. We need stories that show healing, therapy, survival, and the strength of asking for help.

4. Just like we teach math and science, we should teach students how to understand media. They need to learn how to protect their minds from harmful messaging.

Final Thoughts 

When media fails to show the pain of those left behind, it creates silence. That silence is also a message and it tells young people that their pain isn’t worth talking about.

We must break that silence. Not only by talking about suicide after it happens but by being careful of the stories we tell, the way we tell them, and what we leave out.

Because someone is always watching. And what they see might be the difference between choosing life or giving up.

In case you or someone is struggling: 

TPO Nepal: 16600102005

CMC Nepal: 16600185080

Kosis Nepal: 16600122322

Suicide Prevention and Mental Health Service Center: 16600122223

Tribhuwan University, Teaching Hospital Maharajgunj Kathmandu Nepal, Psychiatry Help Line: 9841630430

Tribhuwan University, Teaching Hospital Maharajgunj Kathmandu Nepal, Suicide Prevention Help Line: 9840021600

Kanti Children Hospital,Kathmandu Nepal. Child Psychiatric Help Line: 9808522410

References

Andriessen, K. (2009). Can postvention be prevention? Crisis: The Journal of Crisis Intervention and Suicide Prevention, 30(1). https://doi.org/10.1027/0227-5910.30.1.43

Pitman, A., Osborn, D., King, M., & Erlangsen, A. (2014). Effects of suicide bereavement on mental health and suicide risk. The Lancet Psychiatry, 1(1). doi: 10.1016/S2215-0366(14)70224-X

Speece, M. W., & Brent, S. B. (1996). The development of children’s understanding of death. Journal of Death and Dying, 33(2). 

American Academy of Pediatrics, Committee on Public Education. (2001). Media violence. Pediatrics, 108(5) .DOI: 10.1542/peds.108.5.1222

Niederkrotenthaler, T., Voracek, M., Herberth, A., Till, B., Strauss, M., Etzersdorfer, E., Eisenwort, B., & Sonneck, G. (2010). Role of media reports in completed and prevented suicide: Werther v. Papageno effects. British Journal of Psychiatry, 197(3). doi: 10.1192/bjp.bp.109.074633

Niederkrotenthaler, T., Stack, S., Till, B., Sinyor, M., Pirkis, J., Garcia, D., Rockett, I. R. H., & Tran, U. S. (2019). Association of increased youth suicides in the United States with the release of 13 Reasons Why. JAMA Psychiatry, 76(9). doi: 10.1001/jamapsychiatry.2019.0922

Some relationships do not fall apart with loud arguments. They dissolve quietly under the burden of invisible expectations, emotional debts you never agreed to, and the steady erosion of emotional space. 

It often begins subtly. A friend constantly asks for help as they depend on your self-reliance. They may not carry the best intention for you, may be constantly attempting to sabotage your existence, but proudly demand your help for trivial matters. 

A colleague “leans on you” a little too much, constantly asking for your opinion, ideas and support on projects that you are not even involved in. A message that starts with “Hello, how are you?” but it actually only means “I need something from you.” You don’t want to seem unkind, so you give them your time, your presence, your emotional labor. Again and again. 

Too often, sensitive and generous people become emotional caregivers in relationships. You might become “the therapist friend,” “the fixer,” or “the always-available one.” 

And while boundaries are essential in such situations, this write up is not about instructing those who are already aware of the importance of boundaries to become more assertive in enforcing them. It’s not about telling people to learn how to set limits. Instead, this piece seeks to address the larger issue: the widespread inability of others to recognize and respect boundaries in the first place.

The true problem often lies not in weak boundaries, but in the lack of awareness and respect from the people around. Society often fails to acknowledge when someone has set a boundary or worse, it taunts them for doing so. Whether it's subtle ridicule or outright criticism, there exists a pervasive cultural tendency to view boundary-setting as an inconvenience or selfishness.

It is time we stop blaming those who are trying to maintain their space and well-being. Rather than demanding that individuals continuously explain themselves, the focus should be to recognize that boundaries are not barriers, but essential elements of healthy relationships.

What Are Boundaries? 

Boundaries are essential guidelines we establish in relationships to protect our emotional, mental, and physical well-being. They define where one person’s responsibility ends and another begins, helping to create a clear distinction between what is acceptable and what is not. 

For someone who has never considered boundaries or views relationships solely as a means to meet their own needs, understanding the concept of boundaries can be transformative.

In relationships, it’s easy to fall into the mindset that the other person exists solely to fulfill our needs, whether it’s emotional support, advice, time, or even validation. However, this one-sided perspective can create an unhealthy dynamic where one person’s needs are constantly prioritized while the others are ignored or undervalued. 

Without boundaries, we lose sight of where we end and where someone else begins, leading to exhaustion, resentment, and imbalance. It’s important to recognize that just because someone is in your life does not mean they are obligated to give endlessly without consideration for their own limits.

Boundaries serve as a way to protect your time, energy, and emotions. For example, if you constantly ask someone for help but never check in on their well-being or respect their needs, you are not acknowledging their right to set limits.

 Boundaries are about mutual respect: both individuals should have the space to express their needs, take care of their mental health, and make decisions that align with their personal values without feeling guilty.

The Truth About Boundary Violators

For people who have never considered boundaries, it might be hard to understand why others need them. The idea of "I need this from you" might feel like an expectation rather than a request. However, it’s important to realize that healthy relationships are built on reciprocity, and that means both people need to respect each other’s limits. Relationships should not be a constant cycle of emotional taking without giving; they should allow space for both parties to feel valued, heard, and supported.

Imagine you’re constantly leaning on someone else to meet your needs without thinking about their emotional exhaustion. Over time, this will cause strain, and the person you rely on might feel depleted or even resentful. Boundaries violators may be taking on the other person as they themselves exhibit certain psychological traits or behaviors. While it’s important to note that such behavior isn’t always intentional, it typically stems from a lack of self-awareness, emotional dependence, or a pattern of seeking external validation which again is caused by several factors. 

Psychological Perspective

From a psychological viewpoint, emotional dependency arises from various factors, each contributing to an individual’s reliance on others for emotional support and validation. This often stems from an inability to regulate one’s emotions independently, leading individuals to seek constant reassurance from others in an attempt to feel secure. This dependency creates a one-sided emotional burden, where the person offering support becomes emotionally drained. The psychological factors at play include:

People with low self-esteem often struggle to establish healthy boundaries and rely heavily on others to fill gaps in their self-worth. They seek external validation as a way of compensating for their internal feelings of inadequacy (Crocker & Park, 2004). This dynamic perpetuates a cycle of dependence, where both parties become emotionally exhausted. Individuals with low self-esteem tend to feel unworthy of self-sufficiency, relying on others for validation, which makes it difficult to develop the self-efficacy necessary to break free from this cycle (Deci & Ryan, 2000).

Narcissistic individuals often exhibit a heightened need for attention and validation but lack empathy for others. They often view people and supporters as a way to only meet their needs without considering the emotional toll this takes on those around them (Kernberg, 1975). Their relationships are often viewed as tools for self-validation, creating an imbalance of emotional labor. (Raskin & Hall, 1979).

Attachment theory plays a critical role in emotional dependency. Those with anxious attachment styles, in particular, tend to seek constant reassurance and emotional support due to a fear of abandonment. According to Bowlby’s (1969) attachment theory, individuals who experienced insecure attachment during childhood often carry these patterns into adulthood. They overstep boundaries in relationships and rely heavily on others for security, which can place an undue burden on the person providing that support.

Unresolved trauma, particularly emotional neglect or abuse, significantly contributes to emotional dependency. Individuals who have faced neglect or abuse in the past may struggle to regulate their emotions and seek validation from others as a means of addressing unmet emotional needs. This pattern often leads to unhealthy dependency in relationships, as the individual is unable to self-soothe or manage their needs independently (Herman, 1992).

The concept of learned helplessness, as outlined by Seligman (1975), describes individuals who have experienced repeated failures or trauma, leading them to believe they have no control over their circumstances. This mindset causes them to seek others to solve problems for them, reinforcing their dependency and inability to navigate life’s challenges on their own. This belief that they are powerless to effect change in their lives contributes to a continued cycle of emotional reliance on others (Seligman, 1975).

Avoidant coping mechanisms are another significant factor in emotional dependency. Some individuals avoid confronting and accepting their own needs and difficulties, instead relying on others. This avoidance prevents self-reflection and self-care, hindering emotional growth and reinforcing dependency (Carver, Scheier, & Weintraub, 1989). 

Philosophical Perspective

Philosophically, the issue of leaning on others for support without consideration for their needs raises essential questions about responsibility, mutual respect, and the nature of human relationships. Existential philosophy, especially as articulated by Jean-Paul Sartre, emphasizes the importance of personal responsibility and authenticity in human existence. Sartre argued that to constantly rely on others for support is an abdication of personal responsibility and an avoidance of the inherent difficulties of life (Sartre, 1943). This results in a lack of self-actualization and fulfillment, as individuals fail to confront their ability to navigate life’s complexities independently.

Immanuel Kant’s ethical theory argues that relationships should be grounded in mutual respect, where each person treats the other as an end in themselves, not a means (Kant, 1785). In other words, his argument implies recognizing and valuing another person for who they truly are, not merely for the benefits or utility they provide to you. When you treat someone as an end, you respect their autonomy, dignity, and individual worth. You engage with them as a person who has their own goals, desires, and intrinsic value, rather than seeing them as someone who exists only to fulfill your needs or desires. 

Similarly, when you treat someone as a means, you view them as a stepping stone, where the relationship or interaction is seen only in terms of how it benefits you or helps you reach a specific goal. For instance, if someone helps you out of a difficult situation, but you are primarily interested in the help they provide, rather than valuing them as a person, you are treating them as a means.

Social contract theory, as outlined by Hobbes, Locke, and Rousseau, stresses the importance of mutual benefit. A relationship where one person consistently depends on the other without reciprocity undermines the balance essential for fairness and equality (Hobbes, 1651; Locke, 1689; Rousseau, 1762).

Finally, Aristotle’s concept of true friendship, based on mutual respect and shared values, highlights that healthy relationships are built on both parties contributing to each other's growth. One-sided emotional dependency, however, becomes transactional rather than nurturing (Aristotle, 350 BCE).

Spiritual and Religious Perspectives on Boundary Violations

In many spiritual and religious traditions, the repeated violation of another person’s emotional boundaries is not simply a psychological pattern. It is seen as a profound disturbance of moral and spiritual balance. Though modern terms like “emotional dependency” or “co-dependence” help us understand these behaviors clinically, ancient teachings viewed them as signs of deeper spiritual unrest: an imbalance within the self that spills outward, harming others.

In Buddhism, clinging to others for simple favors stems from tanhā (craving) and upādāna (grasping) which bind us to suffering. When one cannot sit with their own pain and instead clings to another person for regulation, this creates not compassion but entanglement. It violates the path of ahimsa (non-harming) and interrupts the process of vipassanā (clear seeing), where one is meant to look inward for healing. Such patterns are not just unhealthy, they hinder liberation.

Hinduism teaches that every soul (atman) has its own journey and its own svadharma, a personal path of duty and growth. Emotional over-dependence or manipulative closeness, when unbalanced and one-sided, disrupts the sacred order of dharma. Behaviors like possessiveness (mātsarya) and fear-driven attachment (moha) are not small flaws, they are among the inner enemies (arishadvargas) that keep the soul from evolving. To violate someone’s emotional space is not only to fail them. It is to wander from your own divine path.

These teachings converge on one fundamental truth: true spiritual maturity requires honoring others' boundaries and space as sacred. Relationships, whether romantic, professional, familial, or platonic, thrive when mutual respect, personal responsibility, and emotional boundaries are maintained. 

When these boundaries are repeatedly violated, whether through unconscious neediness or intentional control, spiritual traditions see it not just as a psychological issue, but a moral failing. They urge individuals to cultivate self-awareness, practice non-attachment, and engage in relationships with a spirit of balance and respect.

To Those Whose Boundaries Are Constantly Being Violated

This is a note for you: not because you are weak, or unaware, or incapable of setting boundaries. 

This is for those of you who do understand boundaries, who have tried to protect your inner peace, your energy, your emotional world. And yet, despite all that effort, you find yourself repeatedly drained, manipulated, or crossed by people who refuse to respect the sacred space you’ve tried to uphold.

You are not the problem.

Some people, whether knowingly or not, thrive on crossing the boundaries of others. They test limits not because yours are unclear, but because their sense of power comes from violating what you have made clear. These individuals are not seeking connection; they seek control. They are not confused; they are calculated. 

Compassionate people, those who seek to understand rather than confront, can often be seen as easier to manipulate. This is not because they are weak, but because they lead with empathy. In such dynamics, silence can be misread as agreement, and forgiveness mistaken for tolerance. It’s a quiet truth: the most aware and emotionally generous among us are often the ones most targeted. Not because they lack strength, but because they possess a depth others may try to exploit.

You are not too soft. You are not too much. And you are not overreacting.

The world needs your sensitivity, your insight, your care. But it does not need your self-sacrifice for the sake of keeping peace with people who only bring you war. Boundaries are not walls; they are sacred markers of self-respect. You are not obligated to explain, justify, or plead for your right to be safe, to be heard, to be free.

You are not alone in this. And you are not wrong for wanting more than survival in your relationships. You deserve safety, integrity, and peace.

References:
Bowlby, J. (1969). Attachment and Loss: Vol. 1. Attachment. Basic Books.

Deci, E. L., & Ryan, R. M. (2000). The “what” and “why” of goal pursuits. Psychological Inquiry, 11(4), 227–268.

Herman, J. L. (1992). Trauma and Recovery: The Aftermath of Violence. Basic Books.

Sartre, J.-P. (1956). Being and Nothingness (H. Barnes, Trans.). Washington Square Press.

Rahula, W. (1959). What the Buddha Taught. Grove Press

By Punjita Pradhan

Our current societies are being driven towards a more appearance-conscious, performance-oriented, and validation-addicted world. Beneath all of this, there’s something deeper quietly calling us: self-integrity. It is the moral and psychological foundation on which an individual builds his or her character. Congruence of internal values and external acts, self-integrity is best revealed in solitude, away from the eyes of others. The profound statement, "You are what you do when no one else is watching," captures the essence of integrity as an alignment of inner truth with outer action.

The Secret Life

Deep within each one of us lies a secret life: a private, unspoken world underneath the cover of what we appear to be. It is composed of unwritten thoughts, hidden fears, unfulfilled desires, restrained longings, past regrets, and times of vulnerability we barely verbalize. Outside, we smile, play along, and accommodate others, but deep inside we mostly live with a conflicting set of feelings.

This interior existence is where our true self resides, but in a world that prizes performance over authenticity, we are closing it down in order to fit, be liked, or be safe. The more we suppress this interior reality, the further we are from self-integrity, which leaves us feeling disjointed, alone, or worse, suffocating despair. To acknowledge this hidden life, rather than hiding it, is the beginning of wholeness, healing, and living a life of depth and authenticity.

The Quiet Conflict Within: A Case Study

Riya is 26 and often finds herself admiring the lives of others. She follows wellness coaches, artists, travelers, and readers on Instagram. Her feed is full of people who do yoga at sunrise, read books by the glow of candles, journal at cafes, and write deep things about healing and growth. Every time she sees a post like this, a silent pain is born within her.

"I wish my life was that serene."
"I wish I was that self-disciplined."
"Why can't I get my life together like them?"

She saves videos on morning routines, captions on mental health, and infographics on healing. She even buys journals, bookmarks meditation apps, and orders self-help books online. But when the moment comes, when it's time to actually read that book, meditate for ten minutes, or journal through her emotions, she grabs her phone instead. Hours are lost in mindless scrolling. At bedtime, she makes a promise to herself to start tomorrow. But tomorrow continues to fall into the same pattern, day after day.

She wants the results: clarity, peace, purpose. But avoids the inner process: the quiet discipline, the discomfort of facing her thoughts, the possibility of real change. Her days become a cycle of longing, distraction, guilt, and self-criticism.

Riya is not lazy. She is just disconnected from her inner reality, from her deeper needs, and from her own capacity for honesty with herself.

Riya's situation is not uncommon. She is wrestling with a form of internal dishonesty, a gentle but persistent gap between what she says matters to her and the way she actually lives. This lack of self-integrity renders her deeply unhappy. Psychologically, it shows up as procrastination, low self-worth, and shame. Philosophically, it is the torment of inauthenticity, when the soul knows what it needs, and yet the self still deviates from it. Her pain is not a result of insufficient potential, but of insufficient alignment with her inner voice.

The Moral Compass Within: Philosophical Perspective

In classical philosophy, particularly in the works of Socrates, integrity is a cornerstone of ethical living. Socrates famously asserted, “The unexamined life is not worth living,” encouraging individuals to question not only the external world but their inner motivations. For him, virtue was not performative. Rather, it was rooted in an internal quest for truth, justice, and goodness.

Jean-Paul Sartre, from an existentialist perspective, believed that integrity involves authentic existence. Since life inherently lacks a given meaning, the individual must create meaning through authentic choices. This includes moral responsibility even in isolation. To live without integrity, according to Sartre, is to live in bad faith, deceiving oneself and escaping responsibility (Sartre, 1943).

Integrity and the Self-System: Psychological Perspectives

In psychology, self-integrity is closely related to the concept of self-congruence, as theorized by Carl Rogers. In his self theory, congruence between ideal self and real behavior leads to psychological health, while incongruence leads to internal conflict, tension, and ultimately, distress. Rogers emphasized the importance of unconditional positive regard from others and from oneself as a means of attaining complete integration (Rogers, 1959).

Moral psychology is also concerned with integrity. Lawrence Kohlberg's stages of moral development suggest that the highest stage of moral reasoning (post-conventional level) entails acting on universal moral principles that transcend laws or social contracts (Kohlberg, 1981). People at this stage, for instance, Gandhi or the Buddha, act from strongly internalized moral frameworks, not external ones. Integrity here is a question of inner adherence to one's own moral beliefs, even when those beliefs are at variance with those of society.

Behaviorally, Albert Bandura's self-regulation theory emphasizes the role of internal standards and self-observation. Within this model, individuals monitor their behavior, judge it in relation to their own standards, and reward or punish themselves. Self-respect and self-efficacy are strengthened when actions are consistent with internal values. In this manner, self-integrity is essential for psychological well-being and resilience (Bandura, 1991).

Dharma and Inner Discipline: Hindu Philosophy

In Hinduism, the idea of Dharma as a complex term encompassing duty, righteousness, and the cosmic law speaks directly to integrity. Dharma is not only about external actions but also about the inner discipline that sustains those actions. The Bhagavad Gita, one of the most revered texts in Hindu philosophy, emphasizes the importance of Swadharma (one’s personal duty) and Nishkama Karma (selfless action without attachment to results).

“It is better to fail in one’s own dharma than to succeed in the dharma of another.” In other words, acting with integrity to one’s inner calling is more valuable than succeeding in actions that are not authentically yours. Integrity here is not merely a social virtue but a spiritual obligation. One must act rightly, even when no one sees, because the Divine is always a witness (Antaryami or the inner knower).

The Upanishads further stress the idea of Atman (the true self) and the need to align one's outer life with the higher self. To live without integrity is to live in ignorance (avidya) of one’s true nature.

Mindfulness and Moral Consistency: Buddhist Principles

Buddhism also places immense value on integrity, especially through the practice of Sila (ethical conduct), one of the three foundations of the Noble Eightfold Path. Sila includes right speech, right action, and right livelihood, not because others are watching, but because these actions purify the mind and prevent suffering. The Buddha emphasized Satipatthana (mindfulness) as a means of aligning thought, speech, and action. A person who is mindful becomes their own observer. This internal witness guides the person to act in alignment with truth and compassion. Integrity in this context is not moralistic but liberating. It frees the individual from the burden of guilt, shame, and internal contradiction.

In the Dhammapada, the Buddha says, “Not by birth is one an outcaste or a Brahmin. By deeds is one an outcaste, by deeds is one a Brahmin.” This reinforces that character is not determined by lineage or social recognition but by ethical actions, especially those performed away from public gaze.

Modern Implications: Integrity in the Age of Surveillance and Performance

In today’s digital and hyper-connected world, much of human behavior is shaped by visibility. Social media encourages performance over authenticity, where values are often signaled rather than truly practiced. Integrity, then, becomes a radical act of choosing to be ethical, kind, and truthful even when there is no applause or recognition. For professionals, students, leaders, and caregivers alike, practicing self-integrity involves quiet choices: studying honestly, treating others with respect, upholding confidentiality, and nurturing one's mental and spiritual life without external pressure. These choices strengthen one’s identity, build inner strength, and form the foundation of trust with oneself and others.

Living with the Light Within

Self-integrity is a profound and multidimensional concept. Philosophically, it is the expression of authenticity. Psychologically, it supports mental coherence and well-being; religiously, it is a sacred duty to the soul or higher self. Whether through the Hindu concept of Dharma or the Buddhist path of mindfulness, both traditions remind us that the divine or enlightened presence is within us, witnessing all our actions, especially those done in private.

Thus, integrity is not only what you do when no one is watching, it is who you are when only your soul is watching. And in the final analysis, that is the only gaze that truly matters.

The question we must all ask ourselves, even in the rush of our everyday lives, is this:

• Were we aligned with our authentic self ?

• Did we live with kindness, authenticity, and courage, regardless of the external world?

• Am I living in alignment with the quiet truth of who I am?

• Am I simply performing for the eyes of the world?

References:

Bandura, A. (1991). Social cognitive theory of self-regulation. Organizational Behavior and Human Decision Processes, 50(2), 248–287.

Sartre, J.-P. (1943). Being and Nothingness: An Essay on Phenomenological Ontology. (H. E. Barnes, Trans.). Washington Square Press.

Rogers, C. R. (1959). A theory of therapy, personality, and interpersonal relationships, as developed in the client-centered framework. In S. Koch (Ed.), Psychology: A study of a science. Vol. 3: Formulations of the person and the social context (pp. 184–256). New York: McGraw-Hill.

Kohlberg, L. (1981). The philosophy of moral development: Moral stages and the idea of justice (Vol. 1). San Francisco, CA: Harper & Row.

प्रिय भाई बहिनीहरु,

नयाबर्ष २०८२ को शुभारम्भ राम्रै संग मनयौ होला भन्ने आशा गरेको। तिमीहरुलाई कती याद छ। केही समय अगाडी हामी कस्तो बन्ने शिर्षकमा मैले एउटा भाग एक भनेर लेख पठाएको थिए। पढ़ेयौ नै होला (https://blog.pdl.com.np/p/29a)। त्यस लेखमा भने जसरीनै मैले बाकी गुणहरु यहाँ भाग २ भनेर यस लेखमा उल्लेख गरेको छु। आशा छ पढेर, मनन् गरेर आभ्यास गर्नेनै छौ।

पानीको खोजीमा परिश्रम

परिश्रम/लगनशीलता (Perseverance)

डोटी जिल्लाको एक सानो पहाडी बस्तीमा रमिता आफ्नो आमाबाबु र दुई भाइबहिनीसँग बस्थिन्। गाउँमा पानीको चरम अभाव थियो। वर्षात् बाहेकका महिनामा एक घण्टा टाढाको खोल्साबाट पानी ल्याउनु पर्थ्यो। रमिता बिहान साढे पाँच बजे उठ्थिन्। घाम नउदाउँदै खाली गाग्री बोकेर ओरालो लाग्थिन्, उकालो–ओरालो गर्दै खोल्सामा पुग्थिन्। पानी ल्याएर फर्किंदासम्म विद्यालय जान ढिलो हुन्थ्यो, तर रमिताले कहिल्यै हार मानेकी थिइनन्। भिजेका कपडा सुक्न पनि नपाउँदै, विद्यालय गइहाल्थिन्।

उनको परिश्रम देखेर शिक्षकहरू दंग थिए। रमिताले कहिल्यै गृहकार्य छुटाइनन्। प्रतियोगिताहरूमा पनि भाग लिन्थिन्। एक दिन विद्यालयमा “जीवनमा लगनशीलता” विषयमा निबन्ध प्रतियोगिता भयो। रमिताले आफूले दैनिक जीवनमा भोगेको पानीको कठिनाइ र त्यसबीच पनि कसरी पढाइलाई निरन्तरता दिइरहेकी थिइन् भन्ने लेखिन्।\n\nत्यस निबन्धले विद्यालयभरका सबैलाई छोयो। प्रधानाध्यापकले त्यो पढेर आँखा भिजाए र भने, “तिमीमा जुन लगन छ, त्यसले तिमीलाई भविष्यमा ठूलो स्थानमा पुर्‍याउनेछ।”

💬 टिप्पणी: परिश्रम भनेको कठिनाइको बाबजुद पनि अगाडि बढिरहन सक्ने शक्ति हो। जब लक्ष्य स्पष्ट हुन्छ, तब बाटो कठिन भए पनि पुग्न सकिन्छ। तिमीले कुन बेला हार मान्न मन लाग्यो तर त्यसपछि पनि प्रयास जारी राख्यौ?"

रंगभरिको दृष्टि

सौन्दर्यप्रेम / सराहना (Appreciation of Beauty & Excellence)

रेश्‍मा सानो उमेरदेखि चित्र बनाउन रुचाउँथिन्। गाउँका हरिया पहाड, खोलाको बहाव, चराहरूको गीत–यी सबै उनका लागि एउटा कविता झैँ थिए। उनका साथीहरू खेल्न रमाउँदा उनी बुट्टे पाना कोरिरहेकी हुन्थिन्। कहिलेकाहीँ उनका चित्रहरूले शिक्षकहरूलाई अचम्मित पार्थे।

एकदिन विद्यालयमा "गाउँको सौन्दर्य चित्रण" शीर्षकमा चित्रकला प्रतियोगिता भयो। अधिकांश विद्यार्थीहरूले घर, मन्दिर, गाईगोरु बनाए, तर रेश्माले बनाइन्—झरी परेको बेलाको एक दृश्य: निलो छातामुनि एक आमा र सानी छोरी मुस्काउँदै अग्लो झोलुंगे पुल तर्दै थिए। वरिपरि पहाडमा बुढा रूख, चिसो कुहिरो, र खोलाको आवाज थियो।

रेश्‍माको चित्र देखेर सबै स्तब्ध भए। प्रधानाध्यापकले सोधे, “यो त सामान्य चित्र हैन, किन बनायौ यस्तो?”

रेश्‍माले मुस्कुराउँदै भनी, “हाम्रो गाउँको सौन्दर्य केवल उज्यालोमा होइन, बादल, पानी र चिसोपनमा पनि छ सर। मलाई त सब कुरा सुन्दर लाग्छ।”

त्यो दिन रेश्माले प्रथम पुरस्कार मात्र जितिनन्, उनको दृष्टिकोणले गाउँलेहरूलाई पनि आफ्नो परिवेशप्रति नयाँ दृष्टिकोण सिकायो।

💬 टिप्पणी: सौन्दर्य हेर्न सक्ने दृष्टि भनेको आत्माको आँखाले हेर्न सक्नु हो। जीवनका स–साना कुराहरूमा सुन्दरता देख्न सक्नु पनि एउटा शक्ति हो, जसले हामीलाई खुशी दिन्छ।

सुनौलो सिक्का

आत्मज्ञान (Self-awareness)

अर्जुन विद्यालयको फुटबल टोलीमा राम्रो खेलाडी थियो, तर अभ्यासका बेला सधैं साथीहरूसँग झर्किन्थ्यो। ऊ “म जस्तो कोही छैन” भन्ने गर्वमा बाँचेको थियो। एक दिन प्रशिक्षकले भनिदिए, “तिमी राम्रो खेलाडी हौ, तर राम्रो साथी होइनौ।”

घर आएर अर्जुन सोच्न थाल्यो—"के म साँच्चै अरूको भावना बुझ्छु? कि केवल आफू मात्र देख्छु?"

त्यसपछि उसले आफैँलाई लेख्न थाल्यो—"म कहिले रिसाउँछु, किन बोल्दिनँ, मलाई के कुराले खुशी बनाउँछ?"

यसरी लेख्दै जाँदा उसले आफ्ना कमजोरी बुझ्न थाल्यो। फेरि उसले साथीहरूसँग खुलेर कुरा गर्न थाले, अभ्यासमा धैर्य गर्न थाल्यो। टोली पनि उसप्रति सकारात्मक बन्न थाल्यो।

💬 टिप्पणी: आत्मज्ञान भनेको ऐनामा आफ्नो अनुहार मात्र हेर्नु होइन, आफ्नो मनको स्वरूप बुझ्न सक्नु हो। आत्मचिन्तनले आत्म–परिवर्तन सुरु हुन्छ।

सूर्यउदय हेर्ने बानी

आध्यात्मिकता (Spirituality)

पासाङ बिहान सबेरै उठ्थे। प्रत्येक दिन सगरमाथाको पृष्ठभूमिमा सूर्य हेरेर उनले आँखा खोल्थे। त्यसबेला उनी आँखा चिम्म गरेर सोच्थे, “आज पनि म बाँचें, मसँग अझ एक दिन छ, केही असल गर्ने।”

उनका साथीहरू पार्टी र मोबाइलमा रमाउँथे, पासाङ भने ध्यान, आत्मचिन्तन र प्रकृतिसँग संवाद गर्थे। कहिलेकाहीं गाउँका वृद्धहरूसँग भजन गाइरहेका हुन्थे, कहिले छोरीबुहारीलाई मनको पीडा सम्झाइरहेका हुन्थे।

कसैले सोध्थे, “यो तिम्रो धर्म हो?” उनले भन्थे, “धर्म भन्दा अघि म मानवता रोज्छु। अनि आस्था भनेको केवल मन्दिर जानु होइन, आफूभित्रको शान्ति फेला पार्नु हो।”

💬 टिप्पणी:

आध्यात्मिकता भनेको देवीदेवताको पूजा मात्र होइन, जीवनको गहिराइ बुझ्न सक्ने सोच हो। तिमी कुन समयमा आफूलाई धेरै शान्त महसुस गर्छौ?

आध्यात्मिकता (Spirituality)

पासाङ बिहान सबेरै उठ्थे। प्रत्येक दिन सगरमाथाको पृष्ठभूमिमा सूर्य हेरेर उनले आँखा खोल्थे। त्यसबेला उनी आँखा चिम्म गरेर सोच्थे, “आज पनि म बाँचें, मसँग अझ एक दिन छ, केही असल गर्ने।”

उनका साथीहरू पार्टी र मोबाइलमा रमाउँथे, पासाङ भने ध्यान, आत्मचिन्तन र प्रकृतिसँग संवाद गर्थे। कहिलेकाहीं गाउँका वृद्धहरूसँग भजन गाइरहेका हुन्थे, कहिले छोरीबुहारीलाई मनको पीडा सम्झाइरहेका हुन्थे।

कसैले सोध्थे, “यो तिम्रो धर्म हो?” उनले भन्थे, “धर्म भन्दा अघि म मानवता रोज्छु। अनि आस्था भनेको केवल मन्दिर जानु होइन, आफूभित्रको शान्ति फेला पार्नु हो।”

💬 टिप्पणी:

आध्यात्मिकता भनेको देवीदेवताको पूजा मात्र होइन, जीवनको गहिराइ बुझ्न सक्ने सोच हो। तिमी कुन समयमा आफूलाई धेरै शान्त महसुस गर्छौ?

पुरानो रेडियो

हास्यपन: Humor

सरोजको परिवारमा हाँसोको खडेरी थियो। बुबा विदेश गएका, आमा चिन्तित, दिदी सधैं काममा व्यस्त। तर सरोज भने सधैं रमाइलो बनाउने सोचमा हुन्थे।

उनले घरको पुरानो रेडियो खोलेर त्यसमा आफ्नो आवाजमा नक्कली समाचार सुनाउँथे — “आजको मुख्य समाचार: आमा मुस्काइन्। कारण: सरोजले बर्तन माझे!” घरभरि हाँसो उठ्थ्यो। स्कुलमा पनि उनी नाटकमा भाग लिँदै रमाइलो वातावरण बनाउँथे।

उनले जीवनका गम्भीर पलहरूमा पनि हल्कापन ल्याइदिने कला सिकेका थिए। उनका साथीहरू भन्थे, “सरोज नहुँदो हो त, हाम्रो टेन्सनले फुस्किनै सक्दैन थियो।”

💬 टिप्पणी: रमाइलोपन केवल मनोरञ्जन होइन, मानसिक स्वास्थ्यको औषधि हो। हाँसो बाँड्न सक्ने व्यक्ति धेरै मूल्यवान हुन्छ।

मिठेको आँखा

निष्पक्षता (Fairness)

विद्यालयमा कक्षा क्याप्टेन छान्ने बेला भयो। दुई जना उम्मेदवार: विशाल र रोहित। विशाल धनी घरको, सबै विद्यार्थीहरू उसलाई समर्थन गर्थे। रोहित भने सानो घरको, अलिकति लजालु।

मिठे सबैका मिल्ने साथी। साथीहरूले भने, “विशाललाई भोट दे न!” तर मिठेले उत्तर दिए, “म त्यो उम्मेदवारलाई भोट दिन्छु जसले वास्तवमै समूहका लागि सोच्छ।”

उनी चुपचाप सबैलाई गहन रूपमा हेरे। रोहितले अरूको सहयोग गरेको, विद्यालयका काममा जुटेको सम्झिए। अन्ततः उनले रोहितलाई भोट दिए।

जब रोहित जिते, मिठेलाई धेरैले सोधे, “किन यस्तो गरिस्?” उसले भन्यो, “न्याय भन्नु भनेको ‘जो मनपर्छ’ भन्दा पनि ‘जो उपयुक्त छ’ रोज्नु हो।”

💬टिप्पणी: निष्पक्षता भन्ने शक्ति, धेरैपटक लोकप्रियता विरुद्ध जानुपर्छ। तर साँचो नेता, मित्र वा नागरिक बन्न निष्पक्ष सोच चाहिन्छ।

धूलो लागेका प्रमाणपत्रहरू

नेतृत्व (Leadership)

निशा पहिलो पटक विद्यालयको छात्रा प्रमुख बनिन्। विद्यालयमा शौचालय गन्हाउने, पुस्तकालयमा किताब नभएको, अनि बालबालिकाको सहभागिता नलिइने समस्याहरू थिए।

उनले सबै छात्रछात्रालाई एकत्र गरिन्। सुझावहरू लिइन्। अनि हप्तामा एक दिन "विद्यार्थी सभा" राख्न थालिन्, जहाँ विद्यार्थीहरूले समस्या उठाउन सक्थे।

पाँच महिनामै विद्यालयमा सुधार आयो। शिक्षकहरूले पनि भनिरहेका थिए, “निशाले केवल नेतृत्व गरिनन्, सुनिन् र समाधान पनि ल्याइन्।”

💬 टिप्पणी: नेतृत्व भनेको हुकुम चलाउनु होइन, सेवा गर्नु हो। राम्रो नेता अरूको आवाज सुन्न जान्दछ र सबैलाई अघि बढ्न प्रेरणा दिन्छ।

नेतृत्व (Leadership)

निशा पहिलो पटक विद्यालयको छात्रा प्रमुख बनिन्। विद्यालयमा शौचालय गन्हाउने, पुस्तकालयमा किताब नभएको, अनि बालबालिकाको सहभागिता नलिइने समस्याहरू थिए।

उनले सबै छात्रछात्रालाई एकत्र गरिन्। सुझावहरू लिइन्। अनि हप्तामा एक दिन "विद्यार्थी सभा" राख्न थालिन्, जहाँ विद्यार्थीहरूले समस्या उठाउन सक्थे।

पाँच महिनामै विद्यालयमा सुधार आयो। शिक्षकहरूले पनि भनिरहेका थिए, “निशाले केवल नेतृत्व गरिनन्, सुनिन् र समाधान पनि ल्याइन्।”

💬 टिप्पणी: नेतृत्व भनेको हुकुम चलाउनु होइन, सेवा गर्नु हो। राम्रो नेता अरूको आवाज सुन्न जान्दछ र सबैलाई अघि बढ्न प्रेरणा दिन्छ।

चुपचाप बाँच्ने शेरनी

विनम्रता (Humility)

विमला गाउँकी सबैभन्दा तेज विद्यार्थी। प्रत्येक वर्ष प्रथम आउने, कविता लेख्ने, भाषण दिने। तर कहिल्यै अहंकार नदेखाउने। जब पुरस्कार पाउँथिन्, शिक्षक वा बाबुआमालाई धन्यवाद दिने।

एक दिन विद्यालयमा ठूला पाहुना आए, सबैले विमलाको नाम लिए, तर विमलाले भनी, “म पढ्न सक्छु किनभने मेरो आमा बिहानै उठेर मलाई खाजा बनाउनुहुन्छ। म अगाडि छु भने यो सामूहिक मेहनत हो।”

सबै स्तब्ध। यस्तो विनम्रता देखेर पाहुनाले भनी, “यो हो साँचो प्रतिभा—जुन आफैं चम्कन्छ, तर घमण्ड गर्दैन।”

💬 टिप्पणी: विनम्रता भनेको सानो देखिनु होइन, सच्चा महान बन्न सक्ने तरिकाको नाम हो। साँचो सफलता त्यो हो, जसले अरूलाई साथ लिएर अघि बढ्छ।

हिम्मतको अन्तर्वार्ता

आत्मविश्वास (Self-confidence)

विनय सधैं अलि शान्त स्वभावको केटो थियो। विद्यालयमा पढाइ राम्रो भए पनि उसले कहिल्यै ठूलो भीडमा बोलेको थिएन। जब काठमाडौँको एक प्रतिष्ठित कलेजमा आवेदन दिने समय आयो, उसले फाराम भर्ने हिम्मत त गर्‍यो, तर अन्तर्वार्ताको मिति नजिकिँदै गर्दा उसलाई रातको निद्रा हरायो।

"के म बोल्न सक्छु?" "म गल्ती बोले भने के होला?" “अरू धेरै स्मार्ट छन्, म त गाउँबाट आएको..." यस्तै कुराहरूले उसको मनभित्र आत्मसन्देह पलाउँदै थियो। अन्तर्वार्ताको अघिल्लो रात ऊ ऐनासँग गफिन थाल्यो। "तँ सक्छस्, विनय! तेरो संघर्ष, तेरो आत्मा, तेरो सपना – यी नै तेरो शक्ति हुन्!" उसले आफैंलाई हेरेर मुस्कान दियो।

त्यो रात उसले आफ्नो विद्यालयका अनुभव, समाजसेवा गरेका दिनहरू, अनि विज्ञान परियोजनामा पाएको प्रशंसापत्र सबै सम्झियो।

भोलिपल्ट अन्तर्वार्ता हलमा छिरेको बेला उसले गहिरो सास लियो। “मैले आफैँलाई चिनें, अब अरूलाई चिनाउनुपर्छ।” जब बोर्ड सदस्यले सोधे, “तिमी किन यो कलेज रोज्न चाहन्छौ?” विनयले शान्त तर दृढ स्वरमा जवाफ दियो, “म यस कलेजलाई रोज्न चाहन्छु, किनभने यहाँको स्रोत, वातावरण र शैक्षिक शैलीले मलाई मेरो लक्ष्यमा पुग्न सहयोग पुर्‍याउँछ। म गाउँबाट आएको भए पनि मसँग स्पष्ट उद्देश्य र काम गर्ने हिम्मत छ।” उसको आँखामा चमक थियो। त्यस दिन उसले न त सबै कुरा परिपूर्ण रूपमा बोल्यो, न त अंग्रेजीमा शब्दकोठी भरिपूर्ण थियो — तर उसले "साँचो" आत्मविश्वास देखायो।

एक हप्ता पछाडि उसको फोन आयो: “You’re selected."

विनयको हिम्मतले भविष्यको ढोका खोलेको थियो।

💬 टिप्पणी: आत्मविश्वास भन्नु ‘सक्छु’ भन्ने सोच मात्र होइन, आफ्ना कमजोरी चिन्दै पनि अघि बढ्न सक्ने साहस हो। अभ्यास, आत्मचिन्तन र सकारात्मक सोचले आत्मविश्वास बलियो बन्छ।

धन्यबाद

( यो लेख खासगरी १० -१९ बर्ष का बालबालिका र किशोर-किशोरी लाई केन्द्रमा राखेर लेखिएको छ। उपयुक्त समुहमा जतिसक्दो धेरै फैलाई दिनुहोला )

प्रिय भाई बहिनीहरु,

नयाबर्ष २०८२ को शुभकामना !

तिमीहरू अहिले जीवनको त्यो मोडमा छौ, जहाँ हरेक दिन नयाँ चुनौती, नयाँ जिज्ञासा र नयाँ सम्भावनाहरू लिएर आउँछ। कहिले काहीं मनमा प्रश्न उठ्न सक्छ कि :

“के म सक्षम छु?”

“ममा के विशेषता छ?”

“अरूजस्तो म किन छैन?”

यी प्रश्नहरू स्वाभाविक हुन्। तर, यिनीहरूको उत्तर तिमीभित्रै लुकेको हुन्छ। यो लेख तिमीलाई त्यो उत्तर खोज्न सहयोग गर्न लेखिएको हो। तिमीभित्र अनगिन्ती चारित्रिक शक्ति र सद्गुणहरू छन्, जुन तिमीलाई आत्मविश्वासी, दयालु, समझदार र जीवनमा सफल बन्न मद्दत गर्छन्।

यहाँ समेटिएका २४ कथाहरू नेपालकै गाउँ, सहर, विद्यालय, परिवार र साथीहरूको परिवेशमा आधारित छन्। यी कथामा तिमीजस्तै किशोर–किशोरीहरू छन्, जसले जिज्ञासा, साहस, सहानुभूति, लगनशीलता जस्ता चारित्रिक गुणहरू प्रयोग गरेर जीवनका चुनौतीहरू पार गरेका छन्।

हाम्रो उद्देश्य एउटै हो, तिमी आफूभित्रको शक्ति चिन्न सकोस्।

त्यो शक्तिलाई अभ्यास गर्न प्रेरित होऊ र जीवनलाई अझ अर्थपूर्ण बनाउने यात्रामा लाग्न सकोस्।

प्रत्येक कथापछि दिइएको सानो टिप्पणीले तिमीलाई त्यो विशेष गुणको अर्थ बुझ्न र आफ्नो जीवनमा प्रयोग गर्न मार्गदर्शन गर्छ।

संसार बदल्न ठूलो हातहतियार चाहिँदैन, कहिलेकाहीँ एउटा सजग सोच, एउटा सहानुभूतिपूर्ण व्यवहार, वा एउटा इमानदार निर्णय नै पर्याप्त हुन्छ। त्यो शक्ति तिमीभित्र छ , बस, त्यसलाई जागृत गर।

सधैं तिमीभित्र उज्यालो छ।

बस, त्यो उज्यालो खोज्ने आँखा विकास गर।

अब म पालै-पालो मैले उल्लेख गरेका गुणहरु सम्बन्धित साना कथाहरु सुनाउछु र प्रतेक कथाको अन्त्यमा सानो टिप्पणी भन्छु।

१ . बिजुली बिना उज्यालो

सर्जनशीलता -Creativity

दार्चुलाको एउटा पहाडी गाउँमा प्रमिला बस्थिन्। त्यहाँ हिउँदको समयमा हप्तौंसम्म बिजुली नआउने गथ्र्यो। साँझपख अँध्यारोमा पढ्न गाह्रो हुन्थ्यो। घरमा बत्ती बाल्ने उपाय पनि थिएन। प्रमिला पढाइमा असाध्यै रुचि राख्थिन्। तर जब बिजुली जान्थ्यो, उनको अनुहारमा निराशा छाइहाल्थ्यो।

एक दिन उनले गाउँको पुरानो सामुदायिक पुस्तकालयमा एक किताब भेटिन् — "सौर्य ऊर्जा कसरी प्रयोग गर्ने।" त्यसपछि उनले घरमै रहेको मोबाइल चार्ज गर्ने सोलार प्यानल, पुरानो टिनको डब्बा, र एलइडी बल्ब प्रयोग गरेर एउटा सौर्य बत्ती बनाइन्। उनको सर्जनशील प्रयोगले घर उज्यालो मात्र भएन, बहिनीलाई पढाउन पनि सजिलो भयो।

छिमेकीहरूले देखेपछि उनलाई सोध्न थाले — “यो कसरी बनायौ?” प्रमिलाले पनि खुशीसाथ सिकाउन थालिन्। केही महिनाभित्र गाउँका अन्य १० घरमा पनि यस्तै बत्ती लागे।

💬 टिप्पणी:

सर्जनशीलता भनेको कल्पना मात्र होइन — नयाँ तरिका सोच्ने, समस्या समाधान गर्ने र नयाँ कुरा सिर्जना गर्ने शक्ति हो। जुनसुकै विषयमा पनि नयाँ सोच ल्याउनु तिमीभित्रको सर्जनशीलता हो।

२ . किताबको माया

जिज्ञासा-Curiosity

समीरलाई सानैदेखि "किन? कसरी? कहाँ?" भनेर सोध्न मन पर्थ्यो। अरूलाई झर्को लाग्थ्यो होला, तर उसलाई संसारको हरेक कुरा बुझ्न मन लाग्थ्यो। एक दिन गाउँको खोला किनारमा उसले एउटै ढुंगाको आकार फरक-फरक देख्यो।

उसले बुबासँग सोध्यो, तर जवाफ पाएन। उसले विद्यालयको विज्ञान शिक्षकलाई सोध्यो, अनि सँगसँगै "भू-गर्भशास्त्र" नामक विषय पत्ता लगायो।

अब ऊ हरेक शनिबार विद्यालयको पुस्तकालय जान्थ्यो र पृथ्वी, खानी, माटो, चट्टानबारे पढ्थ्यो। केही समयपछि उसले आफूलाई भू-गर्भशास्त्री बनाउने निर्णय गर्‍यो। उसले खोज्न छाडेन — हरेक कुरा बुझ्ने प्रयास गथ्र्यो।

💬 टिप्पणी:

जिज्ञासा भनेको ज्ञानको ढोका खोल्ने कुञ्जी हो। "किन" भन्ने प्रश्न सोध्दै जानु भनेको सिकाइको पहिलो पाइला हो। तिमी पनि सोच: तिमी कुन कुरामा सबभन्दा बढी "किन?" भन्छौ?

३ . मनको आवाज

विवेक-Open Mindedness

नीला स्मार्ट थिइन्। विद्यालयमा राम्रै अंक ल्याउँथिन्, तर साथीहरू उनीप्रति अलिक असहज हुन्थे। किनभने उनी हरेक विषयमा आफ्नै कुरा अडान राख्थिन्।

एकदिन कक्षामा महिला हिंसाको बारेमा छलफल हुँदै थियो। एकजना केटाले भन्यो, “महिला आफै दोषी हुन्छन्।” नीला रिसाइन्, कडासँग प्रतिवाद गरिन्। शिक्षकले भने, “कसैले जे भने पनि, सुनेर सोच्नु जरुरी छ।” त्यसपछि नीला केही किताब पढिन् — महिला हिंसा, परम्परागत सोच, अनि पुरुष मानसिकता बारे।

अर्को पटक उनी छलफलमा फर्किँदा, उनले त्यो केटाको भनाइलाई झट्टै नकारिनन्। बरु, प्रश्न गरिन्, सोचाइ बुझिन् र फेरि आफ्नो कुरा तथ्यसहित राखिन्। छलफल समृद्ध बन्यो।

💬 टिप्पणी:

विवेक भनेको अरूको विचार सुन्ने र विचार गर्न सक्ने क्षमता हो। सधैं आफै सही छैनौं — बुझ्ने र सोच्ने अभ्यासले तिमीलाई अझ परिपक्व बनाउँछ।

साहसको बाटो

४ . साहस-Bravery

रोल्पाको एउटा टाढाको गाउँमा बस्ने अर्जुन चुपचाप स्वभावको केटो थियो। ऊ बोल्न खासै रुचाउँदैनथ्यो। ऊ सधैं आफ्नै संसारमा रमाउँथ्यो। तर उसभित्र एउटा ठूलो डर लुकेको थियो — सार्वजनिक रूपमा बोल्ने डर। कक्षा अगाडि उभिएर केही भन्नुपर्ने अवस्था आउँदा उसको शरीर नै काम्थ्यो।

एकदिन विद्यालयमा "साहसको कथा" भन्ने विषयमा भाषण प्रतियोगिता राखियो। अर्जुनलाई शिक्षकले पनि सहभागी हुन सुझाए। उसले पहिले त नमानेको जस्तो गर्‍यो, तर घर फर्किएपछि उसले मन थाम्न सकेन। उसले आफ्नै जीवनको डर र त्यसबाट पार पाउने संघर्षको कथा लेख्न थाल्यो।

प्रतियोगिताको दिन आयो। ऊ मञ्चमा उक्लियो। हात कामेको थियो, घाँटी सुकिरहेको थियो। तर उसले आँखा बन्द गरेर गहिरो सास लियो र आफ्नै कथा भन्न थाल्यो — "म अर्जुन हुँ। म डराउँछु, तर आज म डरेर पनि बोल्न आएको छु..."

कथा सकिँदा सबै चकित थिए। शिक्षक र साथीहरूले ताली बजाइरहेका थिए। अर्जुन आफैं पनि मुस्कुराइरहेको थियो।

💬 टिप्पणी: साहस डर नहुनु होइन, डर हुँदाहुँदै पनि अगाडि बढ्ने शक्ति हो। कहिलेकाहीं सबैभन्दा ठूलो बहादुरी भनेको आफ्नै डरको सामना गर्नु हो।

५ . आमा प्रति कृतज्ञता

कृतज्ञता (Gratitude)

पोखराको नजिकैको गाउँमा सरस्वती आफ्नी आमासँग बस्दथिन्। उनकी आमा बिहान सबेरै उठेर सरस्वतीका लागि टिफिन बनाउँथिन्, विद्यालयको पोशाक तयार पार्थिन्, र उनलाई विद्यालय पठाउँथिन्। एक दिन विद्यालयमा "धन्यवाद दिवस" मनाइने भयो। शिक्षकले सबैलाई आफ्नो जीवनमा महत्वपूर्ण व्यक्तिलाई धन्यवाद पत्र लेख्न आग्रह गरे। सरस्वतीले आमाका लागि पत्र लेखिन्: "आमा, तपाईंको माया र सहयोग बिना म आज यहाँसम्म आइपुग्न सक्दिनथेँ। तपाईं मेरो प्रेरणा हुनुहुन्छ। धन्यवाद।" बेलुकी घर फर्किएर उनले आमा समक्ष पत्र दिइन्। आमाले पत्र पढेर आँसु झार्नुभयो र सरस्वतीलाई अँगालो हाल्नुभयो।

💬 टिप्पणी: कृतज्ञता व्यक्त गर्दा सम्बन्धहरू अझ बलियो हुन्छन्। तिमीले पछिल्लो पटक कसैलाई "धन्यवाद" कहिले र किन भन्यौ? कृतज्ञता सानो शब्दमा व्यक्त भए पनि यसको प्रभाव ठूलो हुन्छ।

६ . आशाको किरण

आशावादिता (Hope)

सुनसरी जिल्लाको एक सानो गाउँमा रोहित आफ्नो परिवारसँग बस्दथ्यो। एक वर्ष, मनसुनको भारी वर्षाले गाउँमा बाढी ल्यायो, जसले रोहितको घर बगायो। परिवारले सबै थोक गुमाएपछि अस्थायी टेन्टमा बस्न थाल्यो। यो कठिन परिस्थितिमा पनि रोहितले आफ्नो पढाइलाई निरन्तरता दिन चाहन्थ्यो। बिहान उठेर विद्यालय जानुअघि, उसले अस्थायी बसोबासलाई व्यवस्थित गर्न आमाबाबुलाई सहयोग गर्थ्यो। विद्यालयमा पनि उसले ध्यानपूर्वक पढाइ गर्थ्यो र शिक्षकहरूलाई प्रश्न सोध्थ्यो। साथीहरूले सोध्थे, "तिमी यस्तो अवस्थामा पनि कसरी यति उत्साही छौ?" रोहित मुस्कुराउँदै भन्थ्यो, "हामी गरिब भयौं, निराश होइन। म पढ्नेछु र हाम्रो भविष्य राम्रो बनाउनेछु।"

💬 टिप्पणी: आशावादिता भनेको कठिन परिस्थितिमा पनि उज्ज्वल भविष्यको आशा राख्नु हो। आशावादी सोचले कठिनाइलाई पार गर्न ऊर्जा दिन्छ र सफलता प्राप्त गर्न प्रेरणा मिल्छ।

७ . साथीको गल्तीमा माफी

क्षमाशीलता (Forgiveness)

हेटौंडाको एक माध्यमिक विद्यालयमा पढ्ने सागर पढाइमा राम्रै थियो, तर सबैभन्दा बढी उसलाई साथीहरूको साथ मन पर्थ्यो। उसले विश्वास गर्थ्यो कि असली मित्रता भनेको विश्वास र समझदारीमा टेकेर टिक्ने कुरा हो। रामेश्वर उसका सबैभन्दा मिल्ने साथी थिए। उनीहरू सँगै पढ्थे, टिफिन साटासाट गर्थे, र धेरै कुरा शेयर गर्थे।

एक दिन, सागरले बाबुले दिएको नयाँ पाठ्यपुस्तक विद्यालयमा ल्याएको थियो। त्यो किताबमा उसले आफ्नै लेखाइमा नोटहरू बनाएको थियो, र त्यो उसलाई निकै माया लाग्थ्यो। टिफिन समयमा सागर शौचालय गएको बेला रामेश्वरले किताब खोल्दा गल्तीले पानी पोखियो। केही पाना च्यातिए र केही भिजे। सागर फर्किंदा पुस्तकको हालत देखेर उसको अनुहार रातो भयो। "यो के गरिस्?" उसले कडै स्वरमा सोध्यो। रामेश्वर घुँडामुनि आँखा राखेर माफ माग्न थाल्यो, "सरी, मैले जानीजानी गरेको होइन, साच्चै गल्ती भयो।"

सागर केहीबेर रिसाएर चुप रह्यो। तर केहीछिनमा उसले आफैलाई सम्झायो, "हामीले त सँगै धेरै समय बिताएका छौँ। एकपटकको गल्तीका लागि साथी गुमाउनु ठीक हुँदैन।" उसले गहिरो सास लियो र भन्यो, "ठिक छ, तिमीलाई माफ गरें। तर अर्को पटक यति ध्यान दिएर काम गर्नू।" रामेश्वरको अनुहार उज्यालो भयो। उनीहरूको मित्रता फेरि पहिलेभन्दा बलियो बन्यो। साँझ सागरले आफ्नो डायरीमा लेख्यो: "क्षमा गर्न सक्नु नै ठूलो शक्ति हो।"

💬 टिप्पणी: माफी दिनु भनेको कमजोरी होइन, बरु समझदारी र आत्मबल हो। जब हामी कसैलाई माफ गर्छौं, तब हामी मनको भारी हटाउँछौं र सम्बन्धहरू अझ बलियो बनाउँछौं। तिमीले पछिल्लो पटक कहिले र कसरी कसैलाई माफ गरेका थियौ?"

माथी उल्लेखित गुणहरु हामीले सानै देखि मलजल गर्न थल्यौ भने भविष्यमा तेस्ले राम्रो परिणाम दिन्छ भन्ने देखिएको छ। आशा छ तिमीहरु ले यी गुणहरुको विकास गर्नेछु। म बाकी हरु गुणहरु अर्को भागमा ल्याउने छु।

स्नेहपूर्वक,

डा. किशोर