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A 16-year-old boy, who was my friend's son, died by suicide. The first reactions I heard from people around him were, “Kasto buddhi, maya pani lagdaina hau yesto manche ko,” and “Achel ko kta kti, sano kei hunu hudaina, suicide garihalne.” People immediately had their own explanations and judgments. Nobody seemed interested in asking what that child might have been going through before reaching that point.

Just a couple of weeks later, a relative of mine, a very pleasant woman, also died by suicide. Her daughter had only recently entered her teenage years. Again, the conversations around her were about how she could leave such a young child, how an educated person could do something like that, and what kind of thinking she must have had.

But where is the discussion about the years before that moment? The trauma? The loneliness? The family that was unable or unwilling to support her? When she went to her paternal home, she wasn't even accepted there. She was told to tolerate it, to endure it, that things would eventually become okay. Nobody seemed willing to ask what she actually needed.

This is what I struggle with when I read theories about mental health. We talk so much about the Inner World, changing thoughts, changing behaviours, acceptance, non-reaction and learning to respond differently. But what happens when the External World is not simply “stressful,” but genuinely cruel?

We see the same thing everywhere. A girl wears revealing clothes and people ask, “Yesto k lagayeko?” We teach the girl how to dress, how to behave and how to protect herself, but how often do we teach people not to objectify her or make her unsafe? We keep correcting the person who is being harmed instead of questioning the person causing the harm.

I know a woman who is trying to leave a life she entered because she wanted to study and build a better future. She now wants to live a normal life, but society refuses to accept her. People don't want to be close to her. She is judged for her past, even though that past was connected to circumstances she was trying to survive. If society keeps pushing someone back into the same corner and then blames them for returning there, what exactly are we asking that person to change inside themselves?

This is where I feel the reality is much more complicated than the theory.

Sometimes a person knows exactly what they are supposed to do. They know they should change their thoughts. They know they should regulate their emotions. They understand the theory. They may even understand themselves very well. But understanding does not automatically give someone the power to change their circumstances.

A person cannot always change an unsupportive family. They cannot simply acceptance their way out of abuse, poverty, rejection, stigma, discrimination or loneliness. They cannot always control what other people do to them.

And this is where I think suicide prevention needs to go beyond teaching theories to the person who is suffering. After the session ends, what happens to that person when they return to the same family, the same relationship, the same community and the same social judgment?

Talking about suicide prevention is important. But prevention cannot mean only teaching people how to cope with their internal world. Sometimes prevention also means changing the external world that is continuously breaking that person down.

Theory can explain a lot. Therapy can help a lot. Awareness can help a lot. But the reality of some people's lives is far more complicated than what can be explained inside a therapy room.

The people who suffer are often the ones who understand this reality best, because they are the ones who have to live it every day.

I don't say this as an excuse for suicide. I say it because I think we need to stop judging the person who reached that point and start asking what happened to them long before that final moment.

The victim should not become the victim again after they are gone.

Perhaps true prevention is not only helping people build a stronger Inner World. Perhaps it is also making the External World a place where people don't have to be strong all the time just to survive.

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